Updated: Aug 22, 2020
First, let me say that this was not really in our original plan. After having our son, I was pretty sure that two kids was going to be about all I could handle. It feels manageable. Our daughter, who is 3, is potty trained, eats real food, and plays by herself really well. And our son, who is 1, is at such a fun stage. I’ve been enjoying the toddler phase - before they can talk much and before they can actually disobey. Not having to really discipline him yet is kind of a relief. I guess it comes with tradeoffs, though, because I still have to change his poopy diapers.
I didn’t really want to do this again...
If things were going to stay status quo, then I would say I could finally take a breath and feel a little less stress and crazy in my life in general. Both of my kids are at fun ages, and I truly enjoy finally being able to have little conversations with my daughter and watch her process the world around her and help her navigate it. That is really more my thing than babies will ever be. Because I am not a baby person. Nope, I don’t want to hold your baby. It’s not that I don’t like you, or that I don’t like your baby, but I’m just never going to be that baby-lover person. And yes, I think 99% of all babies look weird and smooshy when they are newborn. Actually, and I’m not proud of this, but I once agreed to help in the baby nursery at church, and after that one time, I just started ignoring future emails asking for volunteers. (Sorry, Aimee!!) Granted, it was BEFORE I had kids, so I had no experience, and my immune system was decimated for a week after. So yeah, I’ll handle your preschooler, but please, please, don’t give me a room full of babies.
This doesn’t mean I don’t love my own children or don’t desire to have a baby now. It just means that I don’t love this stage. There just isn’t much babies can do besides sleep (or not sleep), eat, make messes, cry, and look cute. I’ve had plenty of moments with my kids as babies where I’ve thought about how quick this season is and how precious they are, but it’s just a difficult stage. Call me a pessimist if you like, but I don’t think I’m the only one who feels this way. Like I said, I love my children, and it is incredible to watch them grow and become their own people.
I do not love being pregnant. I have had people who tell me how amazing they feel when they are pregnant. That isn’t me. Good for you if you love it, but I like having my normal body, drinking a margarita on Cinco de Mayo, and taking ibuprofen when I have a headache. So there you have it, you’ve read this far and you still have no idea why we are even doing this!
I also want to say that I have had my share of friends who have suffered pregnancy or infant loss and infertility, and I don’t mean for any of the things I’ve said to sound like I am ungrateful. I am so, so beyond thankful that we have so far had no issues, and I pray that continues to be the case. Because no one is immune to loss, and my heart breaks for those who have experienced it, especially close friends who I love so much.
So why are we doing this...
Several months after our son was born, I began to feel like maybe our family was not complete. I can’t really explain why, but I just had a nudge. And if you made it through all of the above, then you know by now that I really didn’t look forward to pregnancy or baby stage. I actually wrote down every tiny detail I remembered after my son’s labor and birth to scare myself into NOT doing this again. On the car ride to the hospital while I was in labor, I repeatedly told Kyle how we would NEVER be doing this again. Ha!!
But what really tipped the scales for me is not exactly a happy thing. I have a very dear friend from work who endured unimaginable pain when she lost her son, not that much younger than me, to cancer. She probably doesn’t even remember this conversation, but we were talking one day, and she said that at the time when her two boys were little, she didn’t want more children. But now, after losing her youngest, and with her oldest living in another state, she wishes she would’ve had more. All I could think was that though the season of life I am in right now may seem grueling at times and crazy, that I shouldn’t let such a short phase dictate a decision that is hopefully for many years to come.
I thought, if I am on the fence at all about this, after a certain point there is no turning back either way (even though sometimes I do joke that I’m going to sell my current children), so if I’m at all leaning toward wanting another child, then now is the time.
I asked Kyle what his main reason was for wanting to try for another baby. Without hesitation, he responded, “Everything’s better in threes!” So there you have it. Why did I write this post?
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